I haven't had a very good day. Nothing particularly bad happened, but I felt tired, impatient, and crabby all day. As the day progressed I felt more and more anxious and restless. I felt like I needed a break. When Ryan's counseling appointment cancelled, I was glad, this meant that he could play with Rylie so I could have some time to myself. I thought that might make me feel better. I perused a magazine, that didn't make me feel better. I figured if I did the dishes, I would feel good because I was doing something constructive and I wouldn't have them hanging over my head. Since that didn't work, I moved on the reorganizing and cleaning the medicine cabinet. I called my parents and told them I needed a break and asked if I could send Rylie over there tomorrow. They said "of course", then I felt guilty that I was sending my child somewhere else so I could have some rest. I had a good cry and heard reassuring words from my parents. They assured me that I wasn't being a bad Mommy or wasn't loving my girl just because she would be spending the day with her Grandparents. That made me feel some what better, but still had that moody feeling. I decided maybe I just needed some time with the Lord. I spent some time in prayer, then read the Word. It washed over me like a cool balm. Finally, this is what my soul needed! He promises us peace, but only if we go to Him. Of course I wasn't finding peace in all those other things I was doing. I needed to go to Him and confess my sinful attitudes and spend time in His presence. I also read this from the Valley of Vision:
"May his comforts cheer me in my sorrows, his strength sustain me in my trials, his blessings revive me in my weariness, his presence render me a fruitful tree of holiness, his might establish me in peace and joy, his incitements make me ceaseless in prayer, his animation kindle in me undying devotion. Send him as the searcher of my heart, to show me more of my corruptions and helplessness that I may flee to thee, cling to thee, rest on thee, as the beginning and end of my salvation."
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2 comments:
Reading this post made me cry! Not because I was sad (although I don't like to see you hurting) but rather cry tears of joy to see how much you have grown in the faith over these years. I am so proud of you and thankful that you are such a godly woman. You consistently impress me and I prayed that many young women will follow your example. I love you princess, Dad
Well, no more lurking! Honey, I so much appreciate the honesty of your faith and the way you consistently model what you believe. You are an example to me (as you have been for many years) of what it really looks like to be a Christian. I love you and love that you continually look to our Lord for your strength.
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