A few weeks ago, the Holy Spirit convicted me and taught me a lesson. I realized that all of the ministry stuff I had been doing was good, but my heart wasn't into it like it should be. I was partially doing it for the Lord and for the people that I love, but also partially out of obligation. If I didn't do it, who would? I was partially doing it out of my desire for others to look kindly on me (that is really hard to admit). My motivations weren't right. Should I be ministering so that I will look good? Am I the only one able to do certain things? Does it have to be done my way? Of course the answer to all of those are a resounding "no"! A few weeks ago, I worked so hard that I ended up crashing with a fever, etc. God really used this to teach me a lesson. My ministry isn't "my" ministry. It's God's, it is for His glory, for His honor. It has nothing to do with me. Any good thing I do, is from God anyway. I learned that I need to minister out of my love for God and love for others. This love is to be fueled by my walk with God, through my daily devotions.
Last week, I had already forgotten about this lesson that I learned. The main reason for this is because I didn't do my devotions all week. I didn't spend that time with the Lord to get refueled. I was frustrated when my Doctor said that I had to rest and cut some things out of my life. I had a full week of ministry planned, I felt guilty for cancelling things. I felt left out when I knew others were enjoying things that I wasn't a part of. I felt sorry for myself.
This morning, when I was finally doing my devotions again, I had a "duh" moment. Obviously I haven't really learned my lesson if I already forgot it. I think God planned for me to cut back on things so that I can refocus on what is important and get my heart motivation right. I need to spend this season getting closer to Him. I need to realize that He doesn't need me to do everything. He can do things (even better) with out me. And, He has gifted a lot of other people to serve also.
You may need to remind me of these lessons learned every now and then, but hopefully they are learned now!