Thursday, January 8, 2009

Untitled

If you will permit me to take a moment and be transparent with you, I will tell you that I am struggling. I am feeling sad and inpatient, and panicy. I think I can attribute the majority of it to a spike of hormones, this is pretty common about six months after a miscarriage. It has been a bit difficult thinking about the fact that I would have been 8 months along and almost done with my pregnancy now. But, I honestly do rejoice in the fact that my precious baby is at home in Heaven, resting in the Lord's sovereign, loving arms!
I have not been a very good mother lately. My girls are sick and have been needing me every second (or so it feels like) and I have been impatient with them. I have been feeling panicky as I look around my house and see all that needs to be done (my Christmas tree is still up!) and all that I want to do. I have been feeling guilty and at times a little out of control.
There are also a few things that I have been feeling anxious about, the Lord really convicted me about that in my devotions from Matthew 6 today. In paraphrase it said, that I was to not be anxious about tomorrow and to just focus on God's kingdom and righteouness and not worry about anything else! Good reminder of what I need to be meditating on!
I also read two things in the Valley of Vision that really encouraged me.
"Continue to teach me that Christ's righteousness satifies justice and evidences thy love; help me to make use of it by faith as the ground of my peace and of thy favour and acceptance, so that I may live always near the cross." (pg. 88)
"I rejoice to think that all things are at thy disposal, and I love to leave them there."
So there it is, my transparancy for today!

12 comments:

Stephanie said...

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the PEACE of God WHICH SURPASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7 (emphasis mine)
One of my favorite verses. Love ya!

The Owens said...

thank you! you may not realize that your transparency helped me to realize what i'm not concentrating on as i should!! so thank you for encouraging me to consider what is truly important and what i should be focusing my thoughts and energy on! you are a great testimony - i am so glad to have reconnected!

Samantha Edwards said...

You are in my prayers! We are both anxious and panicky (of course for different reasons), but I know how horrible the feeling is! I know things will get better!

Samantha Edwards said...

You are in my prayers! We are both anxious and panicky (of course for different reasons), but I know how horrible the feeling is! I know things will get better!

Samantha Edwards said...

You are in my prayers! We are both anxious and panicky (of course for different reasons), but I know how horrible the feeling is! I know things will get better!

Samantha Edwards said...

You are in my prayers! We are both anxious and panicky (of course for different reasons), but I know how horrible the feeling is! I know things will get better!

Samantha Edwards said...

You are in my prayers! We are both anxious and panicky (of course for different reasons), but I know how horrible the feeling is! I know things will get better!

Samantha Edwards said...

You are in my prayers! We are both anxious and panicky (of course for different reasons), but I know how horrible the feeling is! I know things will get better!

Janice Krieger said...

The house can wait. The dishes will always be there, the clothes will always get dirty. The tree should go if its real. But everything else is not important at all. What is important is playing peek-a-boo with Anna, teaching Rylie to make cookies by getting flour everywhere. And spending time just quietly reading to your two most precious daughters. This is what's important, this is what God looks upon and smiles. You are an awesome mom and your girls know this. Keep your chin up and hug your babies and cuddle with your hubby.

momaof4 said...

Oh! Janice said it perfect.

I too, feel that way. I get very overwhelmed with all the mess around me. My Christmas stuff is sitting on a table right now. I am determinded to put it away ORGANIZED this year...though it might not get done will August!!
I have to remember too, to pick one spot and work on that spot. Otherwise you can wonder for hours.

Love you girl. I so wish and am crossing my fingers that we might get a hug next weekend. It has been to long, and my heart acks for you!

Amanda Hug'n Kiss said...

Amy, if you have someone to watch the girls for a couple hours, maybe you should take a little "time out" for you. It's impossible to keep giving to your family if you are on empty.
About the anxiety, I think we've all been there. Pray the scriptures aloud, let yourself hear the promises God has made.
You're in my prayers. Grief has been an uninvited guest in my home many times. Just know that I haven't forgotten your baby, and neither has the Lord.

Bren said...

amy! i am so glad you took your own advice to me and was open and transparent. please let me know if i can do anything for you. i'd be happy to come over and help you get rid of christmas or watch the girls if you need a little break. or we could just have coffee--whatever! just know i am here for you. praying for you.