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If you will permit me to take a moment and be transparent with you, I will tell you that I am struggling. I am feeling sad and inpatient, and panicy. I think I can attribute the majority of it to a spike of hormones, this is pretty common about six months after a miscarriage. It has been a bit difficult thinking about the fact that I would have been 8 months along and almost done with my pregnancy now. But, I honestly do rejoice in the fact that my precious baby is at home in Heaven, resting in the Lord's sovereign, loving arms!
I have not been a very good mother lately. My girls are sick and have been needing me every second (or so it feels like) and I have been impatient with them. I have been feeling panicky as I look around my house and see all that needs to be done (my Christmas tree is still up!) and all that I want to do. I have been feeling guilty and at times a little out of control.
There are also a few things that I have been feeling anxious about, the Lord really convicted me about that in my devotions from Matthew 6 today. In paraphrase it said, that I was to not be anxious about tomorrow and to just focus on God's kingdom and righteouness and not worry about anything else! Good reminder of what I need to be meditating on!
I also read two things in the Valley of Vision that really encouraged me.
"Continue to teach me that Christ's righteousness satifies justice and evidences thy love; help me to make use of it by faith as the ground of my peace and of thy favour and acceptance, so that I may live always near the cross." (pg. 88)
"I rejoice to think that all things are at thy disposal, and I love to leave them there."
So there it is, my transparancy for today!